We put the house on the market today.

Our house went on the market today and I have been a melancholy little mama ever since. I am feeling rather ambivalent but that's not to say I am not feeling anything, but more so my emotions keep changing, like a pendulum, every feeling has a diametric opposite which seems to balance it out or else make it all the more confusing. I am terrified to have put the house on the market during such a market and economy, but I am absolutely giddy at the notion that we are getting ready to own our own small family farm. I am sick to my stomach about how barely we are eeking out a profit on the house (and honestly not sure how much of one our listing price is considering how much we put into this house), but I am also feeling really hopeful that some foreclosed farm is out there waiting for us to find it. I am sad that this is the house my young children have grown up in in such a short time, but I am happy to know the timing is right for the move since dear daughter will be entering kindergarten and the ten year old is bound for middle school. I am sad that I will leave my gardens and my beloved lilies, but excited to know I have new ground to discover, plants to nurture, and shrubs to key out and identify. I am excited to be in a new place where I can finally have the chickens, goats, and rabbits I have been wanting but am also sad that we have literally outgrown this house and have to say good bye to the rocks that the 10 year old once found impossible to climb. I am dead set against ever moving myself again but a nervous wreck about what the expenses of movers or even storage facilities will be. I am feeling incredibly stressed about the amount of work that needs to be done in such a little time before the house will start showing, but I am incredibly excited about downsizing our lives and reducing the amount of clutter that exists within the walls of a family of 5's home. I'm scared of the future, scared of this economy and scared of the unknown but comforted by the fact that we are a family of 5 and that is something we can draw strength from. I have to continue reciting the serenity prayer and remember my favorite mantras: "Everything happens for a reason", "Nothing but good can come out of this" and "Let go and let love lead the way". OK, dinner is up - Mom's favorite comfort food: grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup!